"And now...one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise...Then the God of peace will be with you." -Phillipians 4:8-9

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Chemo Update For Kasey

Yesterday we met with Kasey's oncologist in Salem, and his tumor levels are normal at this time which is awesome! Dr. Pierce does not recommend that Kasey go through chemo, and would like to keep him under observation with blood work for tumor markers and CT scans periodically. He said that he shouldn't go through chemo if he doesn't need to, and that if the cancer does recur he will have the same exact odds of survival if he goes through the chemo now or later which is 96% which is pretty darn good for cancer.
I totally agreed with Dr. Pierce about Kasey not going through chemo, but Kasey still has some doubts over what the best decision is. Because of this Dr. Pierce is having us see Lance Armstrong's oncologist, Dr. Nichols at OHSU for a 2nd opinion to put another opinion on the table. Either way, we are going to wait for several months to make the decision if he does go through chemo. We are trying to get back to baseline with our emotions and stresses, and Kasey would like to go through harvest and summer without worrying about being sick. I am so incredibly thankful that the markers are normal, and I pray that God will heal Kasey completely and just take the cancer away. He has been so good to us throughout this whole time, and I am so thankful for the fact that Kasey feels well and is cancer-free right now. Thank you Lord, for that.
Every day is still up and down for me since the miscarriage; it was the last thing that just put me over emotionally and I have felt so overwhelmed by even the smallest things this last week. I go in tomorrow for bloodwork to see if my Hcg levels are down, which we are praying will go back to normal soon. The worst part is that I still feel pregnant even though I am not, and I know a lot of that has to do with the hormones. I just want so badly to get past this time but it seems like nothing ever hurries when you want it to. We had fertility testing done yesterday as well up at OHSU, so we will find out shortly if Kasey is fertile after all of the surgeries and treatments that he has gone through so far. We feel really positive about our chances of having another baby, and although this last pregnancy wasn't meant to be and I am totally grieving that loss, I have faith that we will be pregnant again soon.
Looking forward to going camping this weekend with our small group at the beach, and having some time to think about other things. I could really use a day out on the water somewhere too, but camping away will be a good start :).

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do anything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Thursday, May 14, 2009


We know that things happen for a reason, and as I am writing now I feel so broken and hurt. I miscarried today, and as I think about it my heart just burns for the loss of the baby that we had our hearts so set on, the baby that was our piece of good news throughout the ups and downs throughout the last month and a half.
I had the first ultrasound yesterday, and was able to see little one and the heart beat, but started feeling ill and spotting later last night. This morning I just knew; we have gone through this before, and my heart just knew. I don't know why this has happened, and the most painful part is having to tell everyone that we were so happy to tell the news to...that there isn't any good news this time. My appointment is later today and Kasey is going in with me, so I am thankful for that and yet so sad to be hurting more than we thought was possible.

Porcelain Heart: Barlow Girl

Broken Heart one more time
Pick yourself up, why even cry
Broken pieces, in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, You pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this broken heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart
would sting at first
then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break?

You know, You say
This can't be the way
You cry, You say
Something's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Creator only you take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again.

That is all that we can hope for, that the Lord will continue to with us and make us feel whole again. i don't know how long it is going to be, but I do not feel like talking to anyone at this time, I am just needing some time to be with Kasey and the Lord to talk and pray and heal. Love you and thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Chemo for Kasey

Hello again. Today we met with another oncologist to discuss the next option for Kasey's treatment. Dr. Pierce told us that because the node that came back cancerous was not enlarged his statistics are probably better than they would be than if he had a very large lymph node that tested positive. If he doesn't go through chemo than he has a 20% chance of having a recurrence, and he can choose to forgo chemo at this time or go through 2 rounds. If he waits and needs to go through treatment later than he will need to go through 3 rounds, whenever that may be...Kasey chose to go through 2 rounds now. In about 3-4 weeks he start his treatment which will consist of 6 weeks total. The first week will be monday through friday, then a monday, then a monday, followed by another monday through friday, monday, monday.
His treatment will include anti-nausea meds which will be extremely helpful, and Kasey was told that since he is so young and healthy the treatment will wipe him out but probably won't be as bad as he imagines. The treatments will be in salem, so it is close and we are trying to see it all as a good thing in that Kasey will be cured from this treatment...cancer and chemo are correlated with so much pain and sickness, but Kasey's odds are so incredibly good and we know after this that it will all be behind us which is going to be such a good feeling. We are praying that Kasey will do incredibly during his treatments, and he is hoping on his "off " week that he will be able to go in to work which he is really hoping for.
There is another apppointment tomorrow for Kasey's post-surgery exam, and he has been doing really well and feeling very positive despite all that he has been through. We are looking towards having the rest behind us, and feel so thankful for the many prayers and support that we have received.
More news as it comes. :)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Oncology Appointment

Kasey's next appointment which will go over chemo options is set for this upcoming tuesday at 4:30 so by wednesday I will be sure to post what was discussed there.